Last week I met with a woman who told me about her “divorce diet.” In the wake of a very painful situation, she managed to lose the 10 to 15 pounds she had struggled to get rid of for so long. All her clothes now fit differently, and people were commenting positively on her new weight- something helpful and good had emerged for her from something that was initially quite negative.<\/p>\n
The woman I met with is not the first person to have shared this type of story with me. I myself have also lost weight during particularly hard or stressful times in relationships. So how does that happen? Why does it take something so dramatic or emotionally taxing for some of us to finally shed the pounds, and why do some of us gain weight instead?<\/p>\n
One of the hidden and subtle factors in weight gain or loss is our relationships: Whether it’s with co-workers, family, friends, or spouses and significant others, both the joy and pain we experience in our relations can deeply affect what, when, why, and how we eat. We are usually not even aware of the process. Emotions and stress, particularly in difficult or dysfunctional relationships, can cause us to reach out to food for love, support, and comfort.<\/p>\n
A recent University of North Carolina study linked marriage to weight gain: Can it be that people are just happy and ‘comfortable’ after marriage, or is something else going on? It varies, I believe, with each individual. A spouse can be a huge influence on a person’s health, for good or ill. If a partner doesn’t support your attempts to eat well and exercise, separating from that person might allow you to move forward with a healthier lifestyle and positively affect your waistline. People may also lose the ravenous appetite that the stressful relationship caused, and food conflicts (along with the subsequent cravings) disappear. These changes can jump-start a person’s attempts to improve their diets and work out more, especially if they intend to start dating again.<\/p>\n
Then for some people, weight loss or reduction occurs. The stress, anxiety, and depression over a relationship or difficult situation can suppress the appetite and even produce a constant feeling of nausea or queasiness that makes food feel like a bad idea. Eventually, the body the body comes to believe that food, under the current circumstances, is not going to be it’s best source of energy and it turns to burning its reserves instead. This can become a famine-like situation, and the body will (if conditions continue long enough) begin burning muscle as well as fat from lack of protein-not a very healthy way to lose weight!<\/p>\n
So whether we eat too much or too little in painful times, food can become a tool we abuse, without even knowing it.<\/p>\n
For me this is genuine evidence of the mind-body connection at work. We actually have a second “brain” in our digestive system, a large network of nerves linked to our stomach and intestines, which is part of the reason food may so directly and immediately affect our mood and functioning. So some of us eat more and gain weight when stressed, and some of us lose our appetites. And our response can vary from one emotional or stressful situation to another.<\/p>\n
One of the best ways to gain self-awareness and insight into the connections between food and relationships is by keeping a food diary. If writing things down seems too time-consuming, start by simply paying attention to how this idea might play out in your daily life. Be open to the possibility that change may have to occur within your relationships in order to see change happen in yourself and with your weight.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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